Lord help me Please

Im begging God to hear me now on this one: I need prayer, I always need prayer. For once in my life I want this to be the last time I have to beg for help! It's always something. Always. Rather its abuse or fianicial its always something, and it always seems to be in a way that I have no control of the situation. I know i should put it in Gods hands but how can i when, its hard to even get in my hand.  I know, I know, Your strong, youve been through so much, you can make it! What if... what if I dont wanna make it anymore, what if I cant find the silver linging anymore. IM NOT STRONG enough anymore, I cant do it by myself like this anymore. Im sorry but i cant, well maybe i can eventually but I dont Want to. Why? When all I do is live to work so I can barley live? I dont wanna do it anymore. It's become so pointless, and im trying so hard! I really am, Im tryin so hard I spend about 2hrs a day with my kids at home, what kind of mom does that make me. And when they beg and Cry for me to spend more time what do i say, I will, I will Baby, Mommy just needs to take more time, Mommy has to pay the bills or we wont have a home to come to. And he tells me he doesnt care and he rather be homeless again, because now mommy is always gone and cant spend time with them anymore. My whole reason for living and doing what I do is for my kids and now, its like they're suffering , because MOMMY"S GOTTA PAY THE BILLS..........